Tag Archives: #grieving

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The Captain’s Son

My mom would forever try to talk me into changing the ending of books. She did convince me on a couple of them but with Captain of My Heart, I would not budge. The reason was because The Captain’s Son required it.

I had a daydream of a single mother of two kids who fell head over hills for a man who was way older than she was. Their relationship would be short but strong. So much so that she would grieve heavily but to her suprise his son enters her life. Thus begins an emotional roller coaster ride. I cried and laughed out loud while writing this book and series.

For the remainder of this week, The Captain’s Son is available for free on the kindle. Yes, it is part of a series but it can be read as a standalone as well.

Here’s the description and link to order your copy:

Raymond Jackson Jr. returns to Palm Hills, California, years after a misunderstanding with his father. His father passed away a year and a half ago, so he feels it’s time to make amends. His brother also suggests Ray make amends with his father’s girlfriend, Cass, as well. He knows it will be a challenge but believes family and friends are worth fighting for. What Ray doesn’t expect is to fall for Cass, whom his father had planned to marry before he passed away. He’s determined to make her his, but will she see things his way?

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What I’ve learned from loved ones with terminal illness and friends with alcoholism/substance abuse

It’s hard. It’s painful. Your soul aches and you can at times feel both physically, emotionally and mentally ill and drained. For me, terminal illness, alcoholism and substance abuse struggles are eerily similar. While my father had his ten year battle with Alzheimer/dementia/asphesia, several friends were battling alcoholism and substance abuse. It was a constant dismaying feeling of grieving the slow decline of the people I love most in the world while they were still alive.

It’s hard because ultimately you come to terms with the fact that there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix them. In the case of terminal illness, you can only be present. In the case of alcoholism or substance abuse, you can lecture, preach, threaten but none of it matters… it is completely up to the person and their self control… but it’s also an illness. The painful reality that they often can’t control it.

In my case, I tried to be there as much as possible. One was in so much pain they chose to take their own life. I was so angry for the choice they made. I couldn’t understand. Honestly, I still don’t understand. I don’t even want to accept it even though it’s been years but I don’t have a choice. I can only live on.

I have learned there is absolutely no real advice or solution with regards to being merely a loved one. The only thing you can do is be there for them. But sometimes for your own sanity you have to walk away. But be there as much as you can and cherish those good moments while they last.

I do know that if love were enough, they would all still be here.

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Grieving and Christmas

The thing about grieving is in one moment you are perfectly fine, happy because time has passed and you found your new “normal”, but then out of no where a song, a smell, a word or thought or even a color will slam you back into memories good or bad and you feel this heavy weight on your chest that you can barely breathe. You remember you will never see them ever again in this lifetime. All you have are those moments of memories. It’s bittersweet because you feel their presence in that moment and yet you feel that harsh pain and reality. That’s one reason I think traditions are important. It’s in the tradition where you remember and respect them. Cherish them and in a sense be with them in that moment.

I have a vivid memory of helping my mom make Christmas ornaments when I was four or five. It was this clear ornament with styrofoam and we crumbled up some of the styrofoam to make it look like snow. We cut gold and red ribbons then placed these two miniature reindeer inside. She always let me put the ornament on the tree.

I think that’s why I had a tradition of making at least one ornament each year with my kids when they were younger.

I get crafty around this time of year and always think of Mom and Dad. This year I made my version of a Christmas Gnome. Had flashbacks to junior high school needle point class then flashed to high school when I was teaching a friend how to make “Stumpkins”. Then thought of my sister and a few cousins when we’d start crafting too. But mostly, I thought of mom. Of course, It was soothing.

For anyone else who is grieving… Eventually, the heavy weight is lifted and you go right back to living your normal until the next wave hits. You learn to ironically cherish it and hate it all at the same time.